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I consistently feel the need to do. To attend to my family? Yes. To pay the bills and manage the household? Yes. To set the appointments, plan the date nights, cook the meals, kiss the ouchies, give the medicines, buy the presents, orchestrate the outings? Yes. To all the things, Yes.
But more so than just doing the expected homemaker chores, I feel the need to do something more. I always have. This nagging need to do has lead me on some amazing and unique adventures.
As a kid, I was a competition dancer who performed at pro-football half time shows and won several awards for my local dance studio. I did missions work in the Dominican Republic, South Africa and Kenya. I was the lead singer of a touring rock band for 8 years and won a few indie artist showcases. I was asked to speak at youth camps, church retreats and business seminars. I've held a management position at every job I have ever had. I've designed, built and sold children's furniture and sensory equipment. I have been brought on to assist other bands with their merchandise strategies, stage presence and fan engagement. I've opened an online store, selling accessories for newborns. I've painted murals and choreographed plays. I've taught drumlines and lead worship for churches. I've built websites and managed budgets. I've written children's books and employee handbooks. I've hit target sales numbers. I've done floral arranging for weddings. ..........
I've been presented with many amazing opportunities this far in my life. And then motherhood.
I announced to my family and revealed to my husband that I was pregnant with our first child on my 30th birthday. We had just moved to Tennessee to begin our lives following more of our radical dreams. I wanted to continue to do what I loved and advance by becoming a published songwriter and my husband wanted to become a pilot. We had been in Tennessee one year and had taken our time getting established in a new area.
When I become pregnant, I became sick. Violently ill. For the first month I chalked it up to morning sickness and carried on as best I could. I would show up to work faithfully, and so would my sickness. It was unbearable at times. When it was apparent that I would spend more time in the bathroom than on the sales floor, I decided it was time for a trip to the doctor.
HG. Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Less like 'morning' sickness and more like 'an extreme 24-hr flu that lasted the duration of my pregnancy' sickness. To put it gently, I walked out of the hospital, after a very dramatic delivery, with a healthy baby boy, weighing less than what I weighed before I was pregnant. But more on that later.
Fast forward to now. I am 35. A wife. A mother of 2. A stay at home / work from home woman. A household manager. And a doer of all the things.... Happy ending.
Right?
Right. Except, there's more. I have everything I want. I don't need much. I have the husband, the kids, the dogs, the house.. But along the way, I've somehow lost my sense of self that once fueled the adventures of my youth.
I am currently in this pivotal limbo between surviving motherhood and growing into the thriving woman I want to be. I've had to adjust and slow to begin a family and raise babies. Now that they are nearing school age, my desire to do, to contribute something to society, to start a new adventure is so pressing. But what?
My list of things I CAN do is lengthy. I've always said that I am a Jack of all trades but a Master of literally NOTHING. The thought of investing all of my days into any one thing I love is not exciting for me. In order for me to flex my creativity and wind up fulfilled, I have to be doing new things.
I love building children's furniture pieces. But the thought of being stuck in my garage fulling order after order fills my heart with dread. I love designing websites. But I would absolutely hate having to bury my face in a laptop for days at a time.
So now what? What can I do? How can I monetize my creativity? How can I fulfill this need inside of me to create and give and invest and do it in a way that keeps my creativity sharp while also delivering the freedom I need to raise my household? That's my million dollar question.
But for now, I have to start somewhere. I am a doer. I am a writer. So here it is. My blog. And a small page for me among the vast network of other creators and writers and doers.
I am a Freelance Creative Project Manager and Consultant. And the possibilities are endless...
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