top of page

Momma, You're allowed to have a bad day. You're not allowed to stay there.

Updated: Jan 27, 2022

Disclosure: We only endorse things we've personally used or come highly recommended by trusted peers. If you buy anything we mention using our referral links, we may get a small commission. There's no extra cost to you. If you'd like to learn more, head to our affiliate disclosure page.

Parenting is crap.

Not all of it. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that my children go through times in their development that leave me hiding in my pantry/laundry room crying my eyes out while munching on my hidden chocolate stash.

Today is one of those days.

First, the usual morning chaos that I am currently facing. Kids making a mess of their breakfast, playing too aggressively with the dogs, not getting dressed after the 5th time asking, opposing the hair brush.... All of the typical morning opposition leaves me frustrated and before you know it, I've lost it on my kids before my day really begins. Crap.

The tears of anger started in the gym parking lot. I was taking my kids out of the car, unbuckling car seats with my phone wedged between my face and my shoulder. I was on hold with the insurance company trying to get my son's ABA therapy approved so that he has a fighting chance at transitioning into kindergarten in 7 months. "Oh the plan is in your husband's name? Oh I'm sorry, your husband will have to call back. (click.)" Um??? What the crap?? If the mother of the child and the wife of the policy holder call, she should be able to make decisions and access the plan. No question. Well, it was no question that I had wasted my time and made no progress for my son. Crap.

The kids are excited and laser focused on getting into the gym to play with their buddies. In their excitement, Elsie jumps for joy and punches my pre-workout drink out of my hands and sends it rolling down the parking lot, spilling out everywhere, and leaving my sweet two year old tornado in tears. A completely chaotic scene. Crap.

We make it inside, I drop my keys while trying to scan in, Cayden kicks over my, now almost empty, pre-workout cup in the kids center, the printer was out of paper while trying to scan in for my class, the bathroom stall I chose was out of toilet paper and of course I didn't catch it until it was too late... Y'all. Life was not on my side. In fact, it was laughing in my face with each and every fail. I lost count. By this time I felt heavy and slow, like I was wading through a marsh of crap just to make it to my class.

I finally walk into the studio. It was a HIIT class that involved a yoga mat and a step and by the way, it was my very first time in this particular class and I had no idea what I signed up for. It seemed like it was easy enough. I did the warm up, no problem. I started the workout, no problem. I was pushing myself pretty hard, no problem.

Then it was time to head to our mats and begin the plank and push up portion of the class. Being that I am recovering from 3 herniated discs in my back, this is a challenge. I have to dedicate my attention to the areas of my back that I need to protect and make sure my form and my core are strong. I was on my knees, feet crossed behind me with my hands on my step. I did 1 push up. Then 2 more. Then a few more. At first I felt really good but with each push up came a build up of hot anger that swept over me. It started in my stomach and made its way to my chest. Then my shoulders, then neck...... Then my face.

All of my mornings' frustrations had caught up with me. Now instead of working through the struggle of strength training, now I was working through something entirely different. My eyes started to form giant hot tears that I tried with all my heart to hold back. Then it happened. One by one these huge tears fell from my face and landed on the step below me. In between pushups where other women were wiping sweat from their faces, I was wiping sweat, and now, tears.

I was already frustrated and angry. And now I was embarrassed.

I took some deep breaths, did some more push ups and was able to finish class. I wiped down my equipment with my face down and bolted for the sauna. To hide.

It wasn't until about 5 minutes into my sauna sesh that I was able to find a touch of relief. I told myself I wasn't going to leave until I sweat out every drop of negativity and frustration so I could meet my kids with a refreshed demeanor. Because of how hard today was naturally, I did not need the added weight of mom guilt too.

Meditation. Positive Self Talk. Prayer. All things that I have had to learn throughout the years. Navigating parenthood through the lens of depression and anxiety is a ball game played on an entirely different field. If I can't slow down and meditate, speak positivity and grace over myself or pray to the God who can intervene in any situation on my behalf, I drown in frustration and anger.

I need someone to pick me back up and hold my hand and tell me I belong on the planet. But my husband isn't going to calm my heart. Lord knows my kids aren't going to pick up my pieces. But you know who understands in this moment what I need?

I do. Why are other people more deserving of my attention and kindness than me? I know exactly what I need.

In this moment I need peace. I need stillness. I need my body to feel connected to my spirit. I need the ability to shake it off and keep going. I need permission to be a mom having a bad morning who, yes, cries while doing push ups.

So you know what happened? I didn't leave the sauna until I felt peace and stillness and calm in my heart.

Growing up in a strong faith community I learned how to pray. In every circumstance, pray. I was never taught self affirmations or how to meditate. Prayer is my number 1 go to. It wasn't until my adult years that I began to also learn the art of positive self talk, mediation and grace.

It's not selfish to pump yourself up. It's not self centered or narcissistic to speak kindly to yourself and say out loud thing you love about yourself or ways you want to improve. It's also perfectly fine to call out the lies you want to dismantle so you can start to become who you want to be.

My conversation in the sauna went something like this:

Britt- why are you so angry?

Is it that you hate motherhood? No.

Is it because you hate helping the kids get dressed? No.

Do you hate waiting on hold and being turned away? Yes, but that wasn't it.

Are you too impatient and busy to deal with spilled pre-workout? No.

Then dig deeper. Girl- why are you so angry?

Is it that you are deeply irritated because you want the best for your son and no one seems to give a crap about his development at the moment and the school district is no help and the insurance company is no help and you keep getting doors slammed in your face and you are exhausted and don't know what else to do for him and you hate that he is falling behind and needs help and deserves better than this?

Yes. And it pisses me off. I feel like I am failing him and his education.

Is it because your kids love you but they also act like they hate you but everyone praises them because they are so awesome and loveable and obedient but they treat you like you are the devil and make you cry and doubt your own existence?

Yes. And I feel judged from everyone around me, like they know how to correctly parent them and I am just some unfit mother.

Is it because for the last week and a half you've had to quarantine in your small house with the 2 kids who love you but act like they want to murder you, two new dogs who you are still adjusting to, and a very sick husband who is acting like an infant and you have to suck up the fact that you feel sick because who else is going to keep this household running and mouths fed and bed sheets clean, oh and it's 15 degrees outside so you are literally trapped inside, and, and, and, and......

Yes. I'm exhausted and I can't do anything about it except ride it out.

Ok- now you are going to inhale gratitude, and exhale all of these things that you can do nothing but continue to walk through.

Breathe in- Cayden is high functioning and we will get through this developmental curve.

Breathe out- He's not Kindergarten ready and I'm scared.

Breathe in- Elsie and Cayden both have huge, amazing personalities and they are strong willed and fiercely independent. They are going to rule the world someday.

Breathe out- This is a season. A very hard season. But I will make it.

Breathe in- My husband works hard for our family and truly cares about us.

Breathe out- Again this is just a season. I very long and trying season. But we have goals and we'll make it.

Breathe in- I signed up for the gym for my mind. This is exactly why I am here. I'm exactly where I need to be.

Breathe out- I can never show my face in that class again because overweight me just laid face down on a yoga mat and sobbed in the middle of pushups.

Breathe in- I'm allowed to have a bad day. Breathe out- I'm not allowed to stay here.

Then I prayed.

God. There it is. Every messy, crappy detail. The Bible says You are a potter and I am clay. Please make me into something useful and beautiful and help me salvage this day. Because right now I'm a bag of broken pieces. Angry. Frustrated and embarrassed. But I'm leaving this room reminded of who You are, and who You say I am. And I am more than a conqueror.

I came out reminded of my worth. I came out remembering that there is a God who orders my steps, and knows my spilled drinks, mistakes, my heartaches, and my bad mornings before I do. And He allows them. And He tells me that in the midst of all the chaos and crap, that I am a fully capable woman who has been given every tool for the moment.

I came out of the sauna feeling seen, even though I was alone in the room. I came out feeling encouraged and calm even though no one said a word and no music played. I came out sweaty and exhausted with bags under my eyes, white girl cry face and frizzy hair. When I knew I was ready to face the world, I emerged from that hot, oppressive, desert room looking like Tom Hanks in Cast Away. But I didn't care. I came out lighter and feeling more loved than when I went in. Then I walked out, splashed water on my face, did 10 minutes on a hydro message bed, picked up my kids (who were mad at me because they couldn't stay longer) and we left.

I'm in the middle of learning that a fulfilled and happy life isn't about overcoming and moving beyond the hardships and frustrations you face. It's about finding fulfillment and happiness and joy in the very midst of all the crap.

It's about jumping in the puddles. Apologizing and trying again. Using your words. Granting yourself, and especially others, some mercy. Being content with what you have. Holding your peace while chaos rages around you. You know, all the things I struggle with- even though it's my job now to teach toddlers how to maneuver it all successfully.

You got this momma. Just know if you ever find yourself crying into your mat on the gym floor, there are women who have walked this road before you.

For more information and stories from Brittany, visit her website at

48 views0 comments


bottom of page